The Sixteenth Blog Of Trig - Dragons

I have a business idea I'm thinking of taking to the 'Dragon's Den'. I'm going to start up a business which looks after people's money. Me and my colleagues are going to pay ourselves the highest wages in the world, give ourselves enormous bonuses, and invest this money in shares of big companies whose bosses will also pay themselves the highest wages in the world.

When the money dries up I will borrow more from those who can afford to lend it to me and pretend that I am actually selling something called a 'bond', which is a pretty looking IOU note. I will sell lots of these IOU notes to cover my wages and bonuses and the 'losses' I make when the investments don't cover all the outgoings. I will buy and sell these 'bonds of debt' with other people in my business and charge extra for the privilege. I will pay people massive wages to hide these debts until they are like an elephant hiding in a single bed.

When my debt (your debt) gets to the point of bankruptcy I will speak to the 'government' and tell them that if they don't give me billions of pounds, RIGHT NOW, that the elderly won't be able to withdraw their pensions, businesses won't be able to pay their employees, and the entire country will collapse into chaos. Of course my money isn't held in my bank. It's in offshore tax-free havens safe from the disaster in my business, so my money (your money) is fine.

The government doesn't want to just print up money because they don't like inflation, which is the value of money going down, so they borrow it. Like me, they pretend that they are selling something, a 'bond'; an IOU note. They sell these bonds with minimum investment amounts, like £50,000, £100,000, £500,000, so I'm afraid this counts you out. But me and my wealthy friends can afford that with a month's wages. The government takes all this money that me and my friends lend them and then gives it back to me so I can continue paying myself enormous wages and bonuses, and give your grandparents the meagre pension they worked their entire life for.

Now the government owes a shitload of money, and they can only just about afford the interest on the debts they have, so they sell off your public services to private investors (me) to help them cover it all.

Now I own the services you rely on to live, I own the bank that holds all your money, I own the bonds that your government 'sold' me so that they could bail me out. I have multi-million pound mansions, private jets and yachts, pilots and captains, bodyguards and butlers, chauffeurs and champagne and cocaine, and absolutely no blame.

I now take a percentage profit from every single service you rely on, the services your parents and grandparents and ancestors worked and fought for, and for all this, you are indebted to me.

Your country is mine and your debt is to me and you will all continue to work for me until this debt is paid off, which will never happen.

So, what do you think of my business idea?

This is 'The Sixteenth Blog Of Trig', signing off.